


100

by Gallavich1012 (orphan_account)



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Parent(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26507665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Gallavich1012
Summary: Foyet goes after Haley and Jack after they were sent into witness protection.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Kudos: 4





	100

**Author's Note:**

> Based on S5E9 (100). Heavily mentions the loss parents, both Haley Hotchner and Hank Morgan.

“Something tipped him off, he knew we were coming,” Aaron breathed looking around the room frustrated. 

“Suitcases are open, some clothes are missing. There’s a safe with a stash of guns in it. He didn’t even bother to lock them up again,” Derek informed as we walked back to the living area of Foyet’s apartment, stopping by Holly’s side. 

“If he’s in a hurry, he’ll make a mistake,” Holly offered, meeting her dad’s eye. 

“Yeah, but when Foyet’s cornered, he starts killing,” Holly felt a lump in her throat at her dad’s response. They all knew that the Reaper had plans to come after Aaron or his family and that mainly meant Haley and Jack. 

“We're not gonna let that happen,” Derek shook his head as Hotch walked past, resting a hand on Holly’s back as the computer on the table beeped. 

“We need to get Garcia on this,” Emily announced, pulling out her cell and immediately calling Penelope and getting her connected to Foyet’s computer. 

_“He is creepy good,”_ Garcia spoke through the phone followed by the sounds of typing. 

“How good?” Reid asked sitting in front of the laptop, the rest of the team gathered around. 

_“He wiped his hard drive. He might’ve been in a hurry to leave, but whatever was on there he did not want us to see,”_

“Garcia, tell me that you’re hacked in and that you can rebuild it?” Derek asked, the needed any little piece of information they could get. 

_“Watch me work, darling. Hello,”_ Garcia perked up and the laptop beeped again. 

“What’ve you got?” Hotch asked, voice and shoulders tense. 

_“Uh, he had an internet alarm on the name Peter Rhea. It alerted him as soon as we ran a check on it.”_

“What else did he wipe?” Holly asked, scratching at Derek’s palm, leaning into his side more. 

“Garcia, wait a minute, freeze it right there,” Derek called out suddenly as images flipped over the screen. Holly’s eyes widened looking at the screen 

“Oh my god that-“

“That’s the US marshal assigned to your mom and Jack,” Aaron cut her off as he dialed a number in his phone. Holly felt sick at the thought but Derek was turning her further into his side to comfort her. 

“Foyet’s been watching him this whole time?” Emily asked as Aaron lifted the phone to his ear and listened for a moment. 

“Sam, it’s Aaron. We found Foyet’s location, but he has surveillance photos of you. Call me for a meet location or we’re on our way to you,” Hotch spoke into the phone, obviously picking up voicemail, before hanging up. 

“We’re gonna need to deploy another SWAT unit,” Derek looked down at his phone. 

“That’s gonna take another half hour,” JJ shook her head, then Aaron was turning away and quickly heading out of the door. 

“Dad?”

“Hotch?”

“Go. Go.” Derek nodded to Holly before they were following after Aaron with Dave, Emily and JJ. They should have followed protocol, waited for a tactical team but they didn’t have time. If they didn’t hurry it could be to late by the time they figured out where Foyet was. 

Pulling up to the Marshal’s house was quick, the black suburban’s left in the middle of the road with their flashing red and blue lights on as the six of them made their way to the front door, guns drawn, only to find it already open.

“Sam?” Aaron breathed rushing to the man who was on the floor, barely conscious and bleeding. Holly was right by his side calling for an ambulance over her mic. 

“I wouldn’t- I wouldn't- I tried,” Sam tried to speak but it didn’t make much sense what he was saying. 

“Just hang on,” Aaron whispered, resting a hand on the marshal's arm. 

“I’m sorry,” Sam breathed, meeting Aaron’s eyes. 

“What are you sorry for?” Hotch asked, heart pounding in his chest. 

“I- I tried-“

“Are Jack and Haley safe?” Aaron asked, the worried evident in his voice had Holly feeling unsettled. 

“Sam, tell me what happened,” Aaron ordered firmly but calm, the man’s breathing became labored. 

“I don’t know how he got in-“ Sam slurred, his head lulling for a moment before Hotch spoke. 

“Sam, I need to understand. Does he know where Jack and Haley are?” Aaron asked again when the man met his eyes. 

“What about her phone number? What’s her safe phone number?” Aaron asked, biting his tongue so hard it started to bleed. 

“I didn’t- It won’t matter. I- I tried Hotch-“ Sam tried to explain again. EMT made their way inside forcing Aaron to move away so they could take care of the marshal. 

“Hotch…”

“I’m right here, Sam,” Aaron called to the man, leaning over enough so he could be seen but stay out of the way. 

“I tried. I wouldn’t tell him-“ 

“Let’s get him up!” The EMT called out as they transferred Sam onto a gurney. 

“I’m gonna ride with him, I’ll call you when I find something out,” Hotch rushed out as he passed Holly, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before following Sam out to the ambulance. 

-

_“Foyet called Haley from Kassmeyer’s phone,”_ Aaron spoke over the phone. 

“Alright, we’ll get Garcia to track it. JJ.” Morgan turned to JJ who was already pulling out her phone to call Penelope. 

“He told her that she was compromised and that me and Holly are dead,” 

“Have you called her?” Holly asked, trying to stay calm but her voice was stressed. 

_“No. He told her to throw her phone away and to buy a disposable.”_

“Hotch, we’re gonna come get you right now,” Derek reached out to Holly, pulling her close, not caring that it was technically inappropriate with his unit Chris position. 

_“No. Anderson’s bringing me a car,”_

“You want to meet back at the office?” Holly asked, praying he wouldn’t do anything stupid, though she wasn’t sure if she would consider much ‘stupid’ right now. 

_“I’m hoping that she’s just gonna call me, at least, to check,”_

“Foyet posed as a marshal even called from a number Haley would recognize, then he did what got him off and scared her,” Dave shook his head. 

“No, he paralyzed her. Overwhelmed her,” Emily corrected. 

“And now she trusts him. Where do you think he would take her?” Holly asked, trying not to let herself dewell to much on the negative thoughts. 

“Witness protection had her living in New Jersey,” Emily informed. 

“He has a head start, he could be on his way there now,” Spencer said quietly. 

“Garcia’s got a trace,” JJ walked back up holding her phone out next to the one Hotch was on. 

_“He’s bouncing between a few towers-“_

_“Where?”_ Hotch asked. 

_“Fairfax County,”_

“He’s still local?” JJ asked, confused. 

_“Send the coordinates to my phone,”_ Hotch ordered as the car pulled up for him and he quickly got in. 

“Why isn’t he on his way to New Jersey?” Emily asked with a small head shake. 

“Wait, that phones on?” Holly asked. 

_“Uh-huh,”_ Garcia confirmed. 

“Dad-“ Holly tried but the phone beeped. 

_“He hung up,”_ Garcia offered, the worry in her voice floating through. 

“Damnit,” Holly snarled quietly, fighting back tears when the phone beeped again. 

“What’s that?” Derek asked. 

_“Hotch is calling Foyet,”_

The phone kept beeping until it picked up. Derek stopped up next to Holly, letting his arm snake around her waist, trying to keep her grounded and calm. 

_“Agent Hotchner,”_ Holly cringed at Foyet’s voice echoing through the phone. 

_“If you touch her-“_

_“Be gentle? Like I was with you?”_ Foyet cut him off, his voice sounding sickeningly amused, _“What the hell took you so long? I was beginning to think this phone was dead or something. Why so quiet? You usually lash out when you’re frustrated,”_

_“I’m not frustrated. You’re more predictable than you think,”_ Aaron responded, his voice calm but Holly knew better than to be fooled by that. 

_“Am I?”_ Foyet taunted, that amusement still in his voice. 

_“You didn’t know where Haley was so you made her come to you,”_ Aaron answered. Holly took the phone out of Emily’s hand to hold in her own. 

_“You make me sound lazy,”_

_“Just another way for you to show control,”_ Hotch spat, gripping the wheel tightly. 

_“Oh, that’s terrible-“_

_“Your mother tried to protect you from your father, but she wasn’t strong enough. And you hated her for that, didn’t you? You decided that all women were weak,”_

_“Those are your words, not mine-“_

_“What were you, nine when you killed them?”_ Aaron asked, but it was rhetorical. 

_“It was a car accident-“_

_“That you couldn’t take credit for. That had to be hard for you. But poor George got another chance. The little orphan was saved by the wealthy, sterile, Eastside couple, the Foyet’s and the story should have ended there.”_ Aaron spoke, the slightest hint of anger in his voice, purposely trying to get a rise out of Foyet. 

_“I don’t believe in fairytales. Do you?”_

_“That’s the thing, George. This isn’t a fairytale. You don’t have to write this story. You don’t have to do any of this. I know you’re exhausted. Always looking over your shoulder, always wondering when the other shoe is gonna drop. Haven’t you gotten what you wanted? You’ve set yourself apart from anybody we’ve ever dealt with. You’re not just a famous serial killer, you’re the Reaper. We’re gonna study you and your methods for years and years,”_ Hotch spoke, praying that something he could say would stop the monster on the other side of the phone. 

_“You know what I’ve been thinking? Haley looks pretty good with dark hair, almost as good a little Holly. They could almost be twins now. It’s quite a shame she won’t be here to party with us. And Haley, she’s even lost some weight. Must be all the stress you caused her. Where the little man? Oh. There he is,”_ Foyet chuckled. Holly took in a deep breath, he was watching them, he was watching her mom and brother right now and she had no clue where they were. Her eyes were filled with tears threatening to fall at any second. 

_“Does he like Captain America because of you? That’s your wife, hold please,”_ Foyet taunted as the sound of another phone ringing echoed through the phone. 

_“Mrs, Hotchner,”_

_“I’m here,”_ Holly’s eyes fell shut at the sound of her mom's voice, she sounded so upset. 

_“Open the gate and I’ll drive in,”_

_“Okay,”_ Haley answered then she was gone. It suddenly clicked in Holly’s head, the gate, Foyet would want to make it as dramatic as possible, cause as much pain for her dad as he could. Their old house. It had a gate. She could almost bet that’s where she had Haley meet him. 

_“Aaron, I really gotta go.”_ Foyet chuckled again before the line went dead. 

“I gotta-“ Holly cut herself off, pulling away from Derek and rushing down the hall towards the bathroom ignoring the calls of her name. 

“Guys, just give her a minute. Come on let’s work through this,” Derek ordered, Holly heard him vaguely as she closed the bathroom door. 

Holly locked the door, pressing her back to it and taking a deep breath to calm down. She slid the phone in her pocket and walked over to the window, opening it as quietly as possible. Telling the team would have been best, they would figure it out anyway but she knew if her dad got there first he would deal with Foyet, probably kill him and she didn’t want anyone to stand in the way of that. So before she was really thinking she was climbing out the window and running to one of the SUVs in the middle of the road. The living area where the team was hand no direct windows to the road. Holly got in quietly, thankful it was still running and pulled off without liking back. 

“Holly? Holly, baby, we know where he’s meeting your mom,” Derek knocked on the door. 

“Holly?” Derek called louder, the team just down the hall looking his way. He reached for the handle, cursing silently when it was locked. 

“Holly?” He called again, stepping back but knowing she wasn’t going to answer. He pulled his leg back kicking the door as hard as he could. 

“Goddamnit,” Derek cursed seeing the window open. 

“Holly’s gone. She picked up on what Foyet said before we did,” Derek clenched his jaw, he was mad and just worried. 

“She took one of the SUVs,” Emily confirmed walking in from where the front door was. 

“Come on, let’s go,” Derek ordered, gesturing for the team to follow him. 

-

_“Holly?”_ Aaron answered the phone. 

“I know he’s going to the house,” Holly spoke, immediately clicking the accept button when she felt the phone buzz and saw Derek’s name. Gripping the wheel right trying to stay calm. 

_“I’m sending out a full tactical deployment, Hotch,”_ Derek’s voice calmed Holly slightly. 

_“Good,”_

_“We’re on our way,”_ Derek reassured but he knew it would do much to console his boss or his lover right now. 

_“Is that him?”_ Holly asked when there was a beeping over the line. Derek’s heart twisting hearing her close to tears. 

_“Yeah, he’s calling,”_ Aaron bit out, frustration straining his tone, he knew that Holly knew how this would end. 

_“Foyet.”_ Aaron answered confidently. 

_“Aaron?”_ Holly nearly sobbed when she heard Haley’s voice. 

_“You’re okay?”_ She asked, sounding relieved and confused. Hotch took a second to compose himself, tears filling his eyes knowing Foyet was in the house with his family. 

_“I’m fine. I’ve got Holly,”_ He replied, trying his hardest to keep the emotion out of his voice. 

“Hey, mama, I’m here,” Holly called out, trying just like Aaron to keep the emotion at bay but not really succeeding. 

_“Baby? But- he said that- oh, Aaron…”_ Haley breathed, the realization in her voice like a punch to the gut. 

_“He can hear us, right?”_ Hotch asked, squeezing the wheel tightly. 

_“Yes. I’m so sorry,”_ Haley answered, obviously trying to hold back tears. 

_“Haley, show him no weakness. No fear,”_

_“I know. Sam told me all about him. Is he, uh-“_

_“No. Sam is fine,”_ Aaron cut her off. 

_“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Is that why your marriage broke up, because you’re a liar?”_ Foyet called out, his voice echoing in empty ears. 

“Don’t listen to him, mom,” Holly answered, swallowing the lump in her throat. 

_“I have Sam’s service phone right here. They sent out a mass text about his death. You can take a look if you want,”_ Foyet offered, that same sickening amusement back in his voice. 

“Mom, he’s just trying to scare you,” Holly spoke again, anger running through her body. Derek wanted to just reach through the phone and hold Holly, comfort her and tell her everything would be okay but he didn’t know if he could confidently tell her that. 

_“She's right, Haley don’t listen to him,”_ Aaron agreed, hoping they could give Haley some comfort. 

_“Did you even tell her what this is about? About the deal?”_ Foyet goaded

_“He’s just trying to make you angry,”_ Aaron answered, biting his tongue. 

_“Well, she should be, she’s gonna D-I-E because of your inflated ego,”_ Foyet stressed, Holly and Aaron both flinching when dreams said she would die. 

_“Ignore him, Haley-“_

_“I’m sure you don’t want her to know this either. You know all he had to do was stop looking for me and you wouldn’t be in this mess,”_

_“Don’t react,”_ Hotch cut in quickly, knowing Foyet wanted a reaction out of her. 

_“What is he talking about?”_ Haley asked, failing to keep her voice from shaking. 

_“Tell Jack I need him working the case,”_ Aaron answered, leaving Haley’s question at bay. The statement made Holly’s breath catch in her throat knowing he was basically telling Jack to go hide. 

_“What?”_ Haley asked, looking down at Jack when he looked up at her. 

_“Tell Jack we need him working the case,”_ Holly repeated, she knew her mom didn’t understand the reference. 

_“Did you hear that?”_ Haley asked, bending down the phone when Jack got up happily and walked over. 

_“Hi, daddy. Hi, sissy,”_

_“Hi, buddy,”_ Aaron and Holly greeted in equally teary tones. 

_“Is George a bad guy?”_ Jack’s little voice came through the speakers and Holly nearly lost it there pressing the gas a little harder. 

_“Yes, he is. But Jack, sissy and I need you working this case with us, okay? Do you understand?”_ Aaron asked, praying Jack would remember. 

_“Okay, daddy,”_

_“Jack, hug your mom for me,”_ Aaron ordered gently, the line quiet for a second. 

_“Mommy, you hug me too tight,”_ Jack said, pulling back. 

_“I’m sorry,”_

_“Why are you sad?”_ Jack asked, not understanding what was going on. 

_“I just love you so much.”_ Haley answered, pulling him into another hug. 

_“Mom, I gotta go. I’m working the case,”_ Jack pulled away again, handing the phone back to Haley and running off. 

_“Is he gone?”_

_“Yes,”_ Haley sniffled, quickly swiping the tears from her cheeks. 

_“You’re so strong, Haley. You’re stronger than I ever was.”_

_“You’ll hurry, right?”_ Haley asked, more worried about Jack now than herself. 

_“I know you didn’t sign on for this,”_ Hotch spoke, the strength to fight the tears weakening by the second. 

_“Neither did you,”_ Haley reassured, she needed him to know this wasn’t his fault. 

_“I love you, mom,”_ Holly managed to choke out. 

_“Oh, I love you, so much, Holly,”_

_“Haley, I’m sorry for everything,”_ Hotch cried, that emotion nearly bursting through now. 

_“Promise me that you will tell him how we met. And how you used to make me laugh. Holly knows but…”_

_“Haley…”_

_“Holly knows but Jack needs to know that you were always so serious. I want him to believe in love, because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me,”_ It was obvious now that Haley was crying and it was heartbreaking to everyone that could hear. 

_“I promise,”_ Aaron nodded to himself. The sound of heavy breathing could be heard when Haley didn’t say anything else thd. The sound of three gunshots echoed through the speaker of the phones. Holly’s sobs could be heard when the first line went dead, then Hotch’s phone hung up and then Holly’s cut off. They were all crying, it was heartbreaking knowing someone they cared about just listened to their loved one die. 

Staying steady on the road wasn’t the easiest task for Holly. She was sobbing, tears streaming down her face and she was torn between racing there as fast as she could or pulling over and completely breaking down. She chose the latter without thought though, she needed to get there to help her dad and Jack. She came to a screeching halt behind the car that had to have belonged to her dad. Swinging the door open she jumped from the car pulling out her gun. It didn’t feel right being at her childhood home under these circumstances. She had only been here twice since Haley and Jack were put into witness protection but this was different. This wasn’t for any good reason. 

The front door was halfway open. Holly could hear the struggle towards the kitchen and dining room, they didn’t know she was here. It may have been selfish but ass she could do was follow the trail of blood leading from the den up the stairs. Fresh tears filled her eyes and the sirens in the distance vaguely registered in her ears as she ascended the stairs. The trail of blood had her turning towards the master bedroom, the bedroom her parents used to share. Her breath hitched as she got closer, passing the doors to her and Jack’s room. She could see two very still feet poking out from the other side of the bed, one still covered by a sandal the other bare and covered in blood. Holly choked in a sob, lowering her gun and walking around the bed. 

“Mommy?” Holly cried quietly, dropping down onto her knees. Her hands fluttered over her mother’s still body for a moment as her chin wobbled, grabbing one of her wrists but she knew there would be no pulse there. 

Holly’s head dropped down as her tears came full on, sobs wracking her body as she reached up to close her mom’s eyes before completely collapsing next to her. Clinging to her arm Holly cried curling up next to her mom. Everything hurt. Her head hurt. Her eyes hurt. Her throat hurt. Her stomach hurt. She could hear the commotion down stairs but she couldn’t move. 

“Holly?” Derek called, his voice gentle and calm as if he already knew what the scene before him held. 

No matter how much he prepared himself Derek wasn’t ready for the sight in the room. Haley’s body lay still on the carpeted floor in a huddle of blood and there on her side, clinging to her and sobbing was her daughter. The love of his life. Crying in a way that he could physically feel his heart breaking. 

“Holly,” Derek whispered again crouching down, reaching a tentative hand out to rest on her ankle. 

“She’s gone, Derek. My mom-“ Holly sobbed, Derek felt tears of his own fall down his cheeks but wiped them away, he needed to be strong for her. He looked back and saw Emily and Spencer in the doorway and shook his head but there was really no need to confirm what they all knew. 

A seconds later Hotch’s face came into view, Emily and Spencer stepping aside to let him through. Derek stood up watching Hotch wall around him in a daze. Hotch looked at the sight and it was a sad one. He was glad he sent Jack with JJ. He didn't need to see his mother like this and it broke him to know that his daughter had seen it, to hear it, that she was curled up next to her dead mother sobbing. 

“Derek,” The use of first name had Derek on alert, it wasn’t often that Aaron called him by name but when Hotch nodded his head at Holly he knew what the man wanted. He nodded back crouching down behind Holly laying a hand in her softly. 

“Come on, baby,” Derek whispered, sliding his arms around her to lift her up. 

“No, no, no, no, no. Mom,” Holly cried but she didn’t put up a fight and only sobbed into Derek’s neck. He didn’t care that he was covered in blood now, he only cared about taking care of his girl and that’s what he would do. 

It was hard walking out of that room when he heard Aaron crying, a sound he hardly ever heard but he knew the man needed his time and he knew he needed to get Holly home. 

-

Holly blinked her eyes open, immediately falling on the clock in front of her. 3:45am. She let out a puff of air, sitting up in bed and looking around, frowning when Derek wasn’t in the bed. He had taken such good care of her. After getting her home he helped her shower and she went straight to bed. She remembered him holding her when she fell asleep and not that he wasn’t here she felt lonely. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed she stood up, cringing at the cold hardwood against her bare feet but walked to the bedroom door, nearly sighing in relief when she heard the tv in the living room on. 

“Derek?” Holly called out softly. Derek looked towards her immediately. 

“Hey, baby,” He greeted, sitting up straighter on the couch as she walked over and climbed into his lap. 

“How are you feeling?” He asked, petting at her hair. 

“Numb,” She mumbled. She didn’t feel anything right now and she wanted to keep it that way she didn’t want to break down again. She didn’t want to think about what she saw or any of it. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Derek asked, pulling back slightly to look at her. 

“This. Will you just hold me?” Holly asked. 

“Of course, baby,” Derek nodded, pecking her lips and pulling the throw blanket from the back of the couch over her body. 

“I love you,” Holly whispered, her voice wavering slightly but Derek didn’t comment, just held her tighter. 

“I love you, Holly,” Derek kisses her head again, turning his head back to the tv, absentmindedly watching the re-run of an old game. 

Despite what she thought before all she could think about was her mom. She knew that talking would help put her mind at ease but she also knew it would cause her to break down again. She curled her fingers against Derek’s bare chest, letting her eyes fall closed as she listened to his beating heart. Derek was her rock, her strength, and it occurred to her that he knew what she was feeling. He was there when his own father was killed. 

“How did it feel when your dad died?” Holly asked, her forehead pressing against the side of his neck. Derek took a deep breath, it will still be hard for him after all of these years to talk about his dad but he knew why Holly was asking. 

“I felt a lot of things when my pop died. At first it didn’t sink in, not for a while, despite the fact that I was there when it happened. Even when my mom and sisters cried for him at the hospital I didn’t feel anything. It felt like a bad dream that I just couldn’t wake up from. The next day, I felt how you do now, or rather I didn’t feel anything at first,” Derek spoke honestly, the tightening in his chest as he remembered those feelings hurt but then Holly kissed his jaw comfortingly and it made him feel a little better. 

“What came after the numbness?” She asked, hoping it wouldn’t hurt him to talk. Well, she knew it wouldn’t be easy but she really needed him to talk her through this. 

“It wasn’t really what came next but it was something important I had to learn and that’s that I and you don’t have to be strong all the time. When I finally realized it wasn’t a dream I tried so hard to be strong for my mom, my sisters and show everyone how resilient and tough I was. But you can only put on that act for your son long before it breaks you. It’s okay to lose your composure, to break down in public or in private or to just completely fall apart. We take strength from our parents, they’re the ones that make us strong, so when we lose one of them it feels like we’re being crushed, that that strength was just ripped away,” Derek felt a tear hit his chest followed by a shuddering breath and another press of lips against his skin. He moved from her back to run through her hair and waited for what she wanted next. 

“And after that?” Holly whispered, tracing the small tattoo on his chest. 

“Guilt. I felt a lot of guilt and I had to learn how to let it go. I was with him when he died, he was picking me up from school because I felt sick. We were on our way to the gas station, he was asking me about my test and there was a guy trying to steal a woman’s purse. I pointed it out to my pop and he stopped the car, when he got out the man shot him. It kills me that he never would have been on that road if it wasn’t for me calling home. I can’t change it though and I’ve gone back so many times and mentally punished myself for the times I wasn’t the perfect son. For the times I was mean to him. It was unnecessary cruelty to myself for the guilt I felt but I know if he was around he wouldn’t hold it against me so I had to learn to let that guilt go,” Derek confessed, he had gotten better but he still felt that guilt to this day, still blamed himself for his father's death and knew knew in a way Holly always would to even though she had absolutely nothing to do with it. But he spoke again before she could say anything else. 

“I felt lost. All of my memories with him seemed to have faded so fast, I don’t really remember what his voice sounded like anymore. I, well, I hope since you're older than I was you’ll remember the little details longer than I was able to. People will eventually forget you’re grieving. Not me, mom you dad and brother, not our team but other people. They’ll forget you’re grieving and get on with their lives and it’ll hurt,” 

“What hurt the most for you?” Holly asked, shifting so that she could see his face now, one of her arms coming up so her hand was resting on the back of his neck. 

“The mile stones,” Derek started, getting a slightly confused look and he felt bad knowing this would make her start thinking about it. 

“Past and future milestones. He wasn’t there for my first football championship win as quarterback, he wasn't there when I graduated high school, when I went to college, because and because a police officer just like him, when I joined the FBI,” Derek paused for a minute reaching out to tuck some hair behind her ear and caress her cheek, “He wasn’t there when I brought the love of my life home to meet my family, and he won’t be there when I ask you to marry me, he won’t be by my side while your dad walks you down the aisle, he won’t be there when we have our first born. But I’ve found ways and will continue to find ways to have him part of those milestones. Like how when I brought you home we went to his grave together,” 

“I love you,” Holly breathed, pressing her forehead against Derek’s. She forced herself to not think about what Haley will miss, not only with her but with Jack. 

“I love you,” Derek whispered back, pressing his lips to hers softly, just for a second. 

“There’s two more things,” Derek started again, waiting for Holly to nod, thumbing away her tears before continuing, “Someway somehow, after you think you’re done grieving you’ll be painfully reminded of that loss again. Someone will bring up their name, a memory will suddenly hit you, you’ll turn around to say something but they won’t be there, and it’ll hurt like it was the first day all over again. You’ll want to break down and cry all over again but then one day it won’t hurt so bad anymore. And lastly you’ll come to view your grief with love. When you hear their favorite song and it won’t make you cry you’ll just sing along and remember them, you’ll be able to talk about your favorite memories with them without breaking inside, you’ll be able to see their picture and smile. And some time it will still be painful but you’ll know that it’s okay,” 

Silent tears had started spilling down Holly’s cheeks again as she curled back against Derek’s chest. Of course she knew eventually it wouldn’t hurt so bad but right now it felt like her heart had been ripped out and all she wanted was to see her mom.


End file.
